Another few weeks go by, and I’m sitting here with my little one nearing 37 weeks.
37 weeks, meaning only 3 more weeks til it’s due date.
To me, that doesn’t mean that’s the set time baby will come. It’s just a date they pick to make you feel like you’ve ended your long journey of getting bigger and more uncomfortable. I’m not one that wants to really pick when my baby comes. Both my body and little baby will determine that on their own. I don’t need to interfere by controlling that outcome.
I’ve come to think how women these days handle this time of their life. It’s so fascinating talking to different women who have different perspectives, lifestyle choices, and expectations of what that day will bring for them. Some plan a c-section on a specific date. Other’s wait it out as best they can. I’m not here to judge, because I believe each woman has reasons for doing it the way they want to. What I’m going to do is reflect on why I’m doing it the way I am. Because honestly, the first time around I didn’t know what “labor” was really going to be like. Now I know, and I need to reassure myself that I can do this again.
Carrying Kaylee and this little one made me feel so special as a woman, knowing that you get the chance to feel each movement and literally share all of 9 months of your life with this little one. It’s a bonding experience that no one else in the world gets except you. Every word you say, every sob you weep, every song you hum and step you take, you’re doing it with that little one experiencing it too. For moments, the world stands still and nothing else matters.
As I was talking with some friends today, they asked “Do you feel more nervous about labor the second time through, now that you know what it’s like?”
My answer is yes. I am more nervous about this one. I went through a period where I basically said “Why am I doing this to myself again!?” I wished I could change my mind, but obviously it was too late. The first time I had an idea of what labor would be like, but never experienced it fully. Now that I have, and still remember how traumatizing it was to me, I can’t help but bring those feelings into this next labor. Granted, I know my labor was much faster and swifter than many, but for me a lot of firsts happened. My first time hospitalized, my first time with an IV, my first time with stitches, my first time giving birth…to me it was overwhelming on top of all the emotions you feel as your body makes these radical changes in such a short time. You can’t possibly imagine how your body did what it did, and I personally was not going to forget how overwhelming that was.
And yet, I felt like the most powerful woman in the world.
To be doing a birth naturally was one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done. Not necessarily for bragging rights (let’s be honest, my pride does allow that one to sneak in many times), but because I believe that my body was made to do this and I could control more of what was going to happen if I just let my body do what it was made to do.
For me, keeping my births as natural as possible is one way that I want to give glory to my Savior. It’s a moment where I look up and say, “You’ve made me to do this, and I will do it the best I can.” I couldn’t withstand those labor pains if I didn’t keep telling myself that these are good pains. There is purpose to these pains, and it means that things are going RIGHT. I don’t always endure pain well because fear is often associated with that pain. I get worried that something is terribly wrong and it needs to be fixed NOW. With labor, this is just not the case, and it gives me a perspective that made labor with Kaylee more bearable.
Being pregnant humbles me. As the weeks go by and you feel a personality developing inside you, you just are baffled at where that all came from. How it began, who created that! And I feel so honored to be able to experience such creation at it’s finest. When I was younger, I worried about one day being pregnant. It scared me to think that I would come across that some day as a woman. I didn’t really have the desire to be a mom like other women I know, and I for sure didn’t like the idea of having kids around me all the time. Now, I am so encouraged by the opportunity that I have to be a woman, and I’m blessed beyond measure to be a Mom.
37 weeks and counting…counting down to a date that I really don’t know when it will be. But this I do know, that when that day comes, I will give it my all. I will endure what needs to be done, and I will reap a reward from it all that women in this world were made to receive. I was created to do this, and I will do it with all I’ve got.